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The morning I chose to let go



"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."     -Anais Nin



A flashback to the morning thoughts of emancipation.....

This morning I woke up at five am. The wind chimes on Oma, the large maple tree, were ringing loudly. Ringing me awake. I lay nestled in my warm bed, with one hand over my belly and one over my heart. The warm energy of my body vibrating under my hands. And I thanked my body; for holding me. Being with me. Casing my soul. And for holding all the pain and fear of the past many years.

 I said, no wonder, darling, you have felt so unwell for so long.

 Heartburn, heart hurting - literally. Headaches, bloating, blocked energy. Painful cramps, pms, sore, tense muscles in neck and lower back. Utter fatigue and drained energy. And no wonder, darling, you have struggled so fucking hard with eating issues. Eating beyond the point of your body feeling full, comfort and emotional eating. The epic battle you have waged against consuming sugar into your body, dividing your inner house, giving into cravings and then crucifying yourself for your weakness.

The yearning for vital, alive, nutrient-filled foods warping under the emotional and societal pressure, cravings for sugar, processed dead foods - over and over again. To numb out. To soothe yourself. To try to help you bear all the psychic pain and fear you have been carrying in your body for so long, now. I honor you. For bearing it all. For doing your best, with where you were at, with the weight and the shame you were holding. The stories that you were born into. The stories that shaped themselves as you grew.

 Now it is time to move into your new story.

But give yourself time to grieve. To release this old-dog story from your body. And to feel deep, tender compassion for yourself. For your precious body and beautiful soul which have carried this burden for thirty-seven years now. It is time to let go of that old story, that burden, that pain. It is time to let go of the emotional trauma that has been with you since you were in the womb, and as you moved through early childhood.

  Let it fall away. 

 (Yes, it is heavy and dark. It embodies control, fear, wounded men and leaders, abuse of power, dominance, rigidity, thwarted passion, negative sexuality, misuse and repression of sexuality, misogyny: subtle, and masked under a holy, christian mantle, but misogyny no less. The burden of hatred against women, demeaning, demonizing. Suppression and oppression of spirit. Quenching of joy. Violating of boundaries. Denying of self-hood. Yes, it is all of this. This is the story you were born into. The story you absorbed into your body, simply because you were a baby, and young child, unable to articulate.)

 But this is not your story anymore. 

It is no longer your pain to bear. It never was. It never belonged to you, or defined who you are.

It is time for you to step into your new story. Your best story. The story of what your soul came here to do.

 This story has always been within you, waiting patiently. 

Knowing that all was unfolding perfectly, in Divine flow and timing. Chaos before harmony, always. Death before rebirth.

This new story is to be a new kind of leader. A divine feminine leader, a round-table leader. A modern day priestess, who will walk with her tribe on the unfolding path of light. A facilitator and visionary on equal footing with all others. Recognizing that we all have our own answers within us.

 Now your task is simply to grow into this new role through joy of being. It is time to water and grow.

 It is time to allow yourself to be sung into bloom. 

To soak in the sunshine of unfoldment. To dance in the emancipation. To surrender to what is now. To surrender to what wants to become.

 Surrender, breathe. Surrender, breathe. Surrender, breathe. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

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