Sequoia: healing from the roots up

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."     -Anais Nin A flashback to the morning thoughts of emancipation..... This morning I woke up at five am. The wind chimes on Oma, the large maple tree, were ringing loudly. Ringing me awake. I lay nestled in my warm bed, with one hand over my belly and one over my heart. The warm energy of my body vibrating under my hands. And I thanked my body; for holding me. Being with me. Casing my soul. And for holding all the pain and fear of the past many years. I said, no wonder, darling, you have felt so unwell for so long.  Heartburn, heart hurting - literally. Headaches, bloating, blocked energy. Painful cramps, pms, sore, tense muscles in neck and lower back. Utter fatigue and drained energy. And no wonder, darling, you have struggled so fucking hard with eating issues. Eating beyond the point of your body feeling full, comfort and emotional eating. The...

"Often, we need to put dead things to rest, so that new life can grow. And further, the thing put to rest - whether it be a loved one, a dream, or a false way of seeing - becomes the fertilizer for the life about to form. As the well-used thing joins with the earth, the old love fertilizes the new; the broken dream fertilizes the dream yet conceived; the painful way of being that strapped us to the world fertilizes the freer inner stance about to unfold."   -Mark Nepo You cannot force the soul to do anything. The soul is shy and wild. You must create a safe space for it to emerge in the way it chooses to do so. And when it is ready, it will shed its skin, to make way for the new skin underneath. The other night I had one of those gut-wrenching, heaving cries. A good cry. The release of build up that needed to come out. Afterwards, I lay on my back with a pillow between my shoulder blades, my heart chakra open wide. The cat came and curled up on my chest, right ove...

The face of tomorrow is shining and laughing. It is washed fresh.  It has all the laugh lines, the love cracks. It has the deep purple moons under the eyes, from all the sleepless nights, the crying eyes. But somehow the moons make it even more beautiful. They are beams of life, shooting out, mellowing, illuminating. Everything is illuminated in this face of tomorrow. Everything is forgiven. It is fresh now. In it, I believe all things are possible. All things are new. I am old enough to learn that it has always been this way. Now is tomorrow. Yesterday is now. It is all the same. But my soul has had time to grow. I can now appreciate tomorrow as today. Tomorrow looks like living my life exactly the way I want to. Not how other people say I should. My face has been washed in tears, and bathed in smile-light. And now it recognizes that both (tears and smiles) are equally valuable. The face of tomorrow (now) is awash with pleasure. It is flushed with desire. It is li...

"Be here now."  - Ram Dass The plane skidded down, to land me in a truly foreign place. My first time in India. It was so different, it was other-worldly. Hot, baking, pungent, mad, colorful India. My twenty-one year old heart was fluttering wildly. We stepped out of the airport, into chaos. The first thing that bombarded me was the heat. I had never felt so hot before. It was like stepping into an oven that you couldn't turn off. The sweat instantly started running in a river down my back. People, everywhere. Noise, din, motion. It wasn't like stepping back in time, it was like stepping into an alternate reality. I couldn't stop smiling, my third-eye filled with pure wonderment. The shock was like suddenly becoming fully awake. We were bustled into mini taxis, with our backpacks and shiny white faces. We went speeding down the freeway of chance. In India, traffic rules are more of an after thought. It is sheer, crazy, dangerous, toxic delight to b...