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A Passing Sorrow




"I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than Lord among those without dreams and desires."

  -Khalil Gibran


Yesterday, it crept up on me. That thing. It has been lurking in my subconscious, held at bay by pernicious optimism. But it will never fully go away, because it is in the roots of me. So it shows up as a passing sorrow, here and there, in my life. It always finds a way in, or out, a way to express its essence.

It is the sorrow of not accomplishing my dreams in life. It is usually quiet on a good day. Or when the peace is stronger than the usual tumult. Like after I have spent time in solitude, in nature, meditated, or had a cleansing cry. When I am inspired by someone or something, am reading a good book, or the sun is shining on my skin and soaking in. (Oh! There are many moments!)

But the sorrow is still there, underneath. Because there will always be great dreams that I hold in my heart, that I have not yet achieved. I am a dreamer, after all. I need to accept this sorrow, because it will always be with me. It is a vital part of my wholeness.

 Without this tension, there would be no growth.

It also keeps me alive, and yearning for life. It is a constant, bittersweet reminder that there are always more dreams to be had. And that is good, that is life. This sorrow keeps me sharp, it keeps me expanding, keeps me from stagnating. It teaches me to be at peace with what is, no matter how that feels.

 And sometimes this sorrow gives me a much needed rest from trying so fucking hard all the time. 

I can take a deep breath and melt into the sad. Luxuriate in the agony of not being where my dream wants me to be. I let my whole body absorb the sorrow, then I release it. Like a stormy cloud passing across the bright blue sky of a summer day. It is here. Then it is gone.

 I still have my dreams, minus a few cobwebs.

I have a renewed faith in life. The passing sorrow gives me space to breath. To have a temper tantrum to clear the air. To reflect on what I don't have - but also on all that I do have. And to focus on the spell-binding process itself. For the act of dreaming is reward in and of itself. It is tantalizing to the soul, and spectacular to the senses.




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