Wherever you are is called Here.

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger.

-David Wagoner (Collected Poems)

Life is a never ending series of lessons. It becomes much more comfortable (well, comfortable isn't quite the word, maybe fulfilling) when you surrender to these lessons. 

One of my life-long lessons is centred around eating and emotional coping as a highly sensitive and creative person. This lesson has been my 'Here' since I first came out of the womb. It has been my powerful stranger, always at the door of my life.

Since I was very young, food has been my companion. It has been a source of daily comfort, a constant, accessible friend. And for most of my adult life I have ridiculed my own self for this. 

Recently I have been partaking in a wonderful course on intuitive eating called Feast (created and facilitated by Rachel Cole.) In it, she has introduced me to the idea of shifting my perception around this. To see my emotional eating as a resourceful coping tool, instead of labelling it self-sabotage and adding insult to injury. We must always begin with self-compassion. It is the only thing that will bring about lasting change.

In order to change a long-standing pattern, step one  must be self-compassion. Preferably every step you ever take will start with self-compassion. But this is challenging, radical stuff here. Let's start with just one step.

Now, I have never had a struggle around my weight or had an eating disorder. I have been told that I need to eat more and that I am skinny. I have been told that I am healthy. That there is nothing wrong with me. Only I can know that my struggle has been real, only I have experienced it. 

And I know that many women experience the suffering of emotional eating, in varying degrees. Women of all shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds. Women who have been on the diet treadmill and women who have never been on a diet in their life. Women who've had a fucked- up childhood and women who've had a fairly normal one, and every degree in between. (Which is most of us!)

When children (or adults) are hurting, lonely, feel unloved, or are unable to express themselves, it is resourceful to use food as a comfort and companion until they know better. Even, then, it is still resourceful. 

Until we know what to do and how to do it, until we heal, until we are ready to change, we simply do the best we can with the circumstances we find ourselves in. Don't judge yourself. Don't judge others. We are, each of us, being as brave and resourceful as we can be in our particular circumstances.

And wherever you are is called Here.

It is not good. It is not bad. It is not right. It is not wrong. It is Here.

When you are suffering. When you are coping. When you are numbing. When you are healing, when you are dancing, when you are communing. It is all called Here. And you are not lost. Each Here- time is a powerful teacher, a powerful lesson in your unfolding life.

And when you are ready, you will change. You will heal. Compassion, empathy, and kindness are the keys to unlocking change. Judgement, berating, and blaming have never, and will never accomplish the smallest iota of change.

Everyone, and every circumstance comes into our life as a teacher. To show us what we do want. And what we don't want. Thank them.

When we judge another person it is a reflection of how we are judging ourselves, on an unconscious level. Pay attention to what you judge in others. 

If you react strongly to someone, or something, it is a good indication that this is an undressed area of growth for you. That is why jealousy is such a great barometer in life. What do you deeply want? Who do you really want to be? 

As long as we hold someone in judgement (including ourself), we hold an energetic space around them that doesn't allow (or leaves very little space) for them to heal and change. Phew! That's a heavy responsibility.

We must accept every single person (including ourself!) just as they are, where they are at, with unconditional love, no matter what! I know that is a tall order! Yikes! It is also a powerful, surefire way to  instigate healing and change.

Let me repeat: every one is doing the best they can, with the circumstances they find themselves in. Grace, compassion, and unconditional love holds the possibility for change, growth, and healing. Judgement impedes change.

And wherever you are is called Here. You are not lost. You are never lost.